|
The Perfect Husband 7/1/2007
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone
on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker
function and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops
to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful
leather coat. It's only $1, 000. Is it OK if I ...
0 Comments, 122 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
Yankees Game! 7/1/2007
Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the
first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind
them.One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers
something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks
back at the agent, and shakes his head "no."
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous
request of the ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
|
|
The Tequila Test 7/1/2007
This is why we should know our limits when drinking tequila.
Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter,
and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.He guesses
there must be thousands of dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's
up with the jar?"
Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all
the money.."
...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
Grandpa dies 6/30/2007
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had died, jenny
went straight to visit her grandmother. When she asked
how her grandpa had died, her grandma explained, not holding
back anything of course, "He had a heart attack during
sex, sunday morning! ...
1 Comments, 164 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
|
|
New partition 6/30/2007
Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam
decided to partition one of the larger rooms. after the
work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was
put off. After several weeks he still hadn't been paid
and he regularly threatened, "Pay me or i'll
rip out the partition" ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Six inches 6/30/2007
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned
over and confided to the bartender, "i'm so pissed
off!" "Oh yeah? what happened?" asked
the bartender politely. See i met this beautiful woman
who invited me back to her ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
The Nut House 6/30/2007
A new doctor takes a tour of the
mental ward with the senior physician. The new doctor looks
in the first window and sees a man driving golf balls into
the wall, he asks " what is he doing" to the senior
doctor? Sr. DR. says " wants to be the greatest golfer
to live". The Next window a Lady is hitting tennis
balls into cabinets and walls. The new Dr. asks "what
is her ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
The Butcher and the Duck 6/30/2007
A lady asks the Butcher "do you have any
Long Island duck?" The Butcher says " I have
ducks over there" The Lady picks up the first duck
looks at the asshole and says" this is a Boston duck."
She picks up another duck looks at the asshole and says "this
duck is from New Jersey" and so on and so on with all
the ducks. Frustrated the Butcher gets pissed off, drops
his pants and moons ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
The Old Spinnster 6/30/2007
On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's
time to finnaly get married. since she has no hot prospects,
she decides to run this ad in a local newspaper. "Seventy
- year young virgin seeks husband. must be in same age group,
must not beat me, must not run around on me, and MUST still
be good in bed. apply in ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Dirty joke 6/30/2007
Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to urinal.
a man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey can you
give me a hand? though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees
to help. he unzips the mans pants takes a deep breath, and
reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified
to discover is all green and moldy. imagining the bonus
he will get come judgment day, he continues to ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
A Police Officer 6/30/2007
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees
a guy tied up to a tree, crying. the officer stops and appoaches
the guy "What's going on here? he asks. the guy
sobs, "i was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. he
pulled a gun on me, robbed me took all my money, my clothes,
my car and then tied me up. "The cop studied the guy
for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped
out ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Little Red Riding Hood 6/30/2007
Little red riding hood was on her way to see her grandmother
in the forest. her mother warned her don't walk through
the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch
you and suck your tits dry! Little Red started towards her
grandmothers house but decided to take the shortcut through
the forest anyway. the turtle stopped Little Red and warned
her "Turn back and ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex: 6/29/2007
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged.
#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible. ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
Careful what you wish for! 6/29/2007
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, "A
hamburger, fries and a coke, " and turns to the ostrich, "What's
yours?" "I'll have the same, says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns
with the order. "That will be $9.40 please, " and the man reaches
into his pocket and pulls out he exact change for ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Old dilapidated boat. 6/29/2007
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out
his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could
from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most
of the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died
suddenly in His ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
Mad Cow Disease 6/29/2007
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer,
seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect
information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason
for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you
know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
Another blonde joke . 6/29/2007
Ken walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next
to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 o'clock news came on. The news crew was covering
a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
A blonde looked at Ken and said, "Do you think he'll
jump?"
Ken said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Seeing Eye Dogs 6/29/2007
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman
and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman
said to her friend "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go
in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do
as I do." They walked over to the bar and the one with the ...
1 Comments, 74 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Ahh, to be sure, to be sure 6/29/2007
Paddy the Irishman died in a fire, very badly burnt, and
the Dublin morgue Needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends,
Seamus and Sean, turned up. Seamus went in first and the mortician
pulled back the Sheet. Seamus said "God bless us, he's burnt
pretty bad, isn't he? Roll Him over". The mortician did as requested. Seamus looked and said
"Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Blonde joke 6/29/2007
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and 1 redhead.
the city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea
between the island and the city. the red-head swam 4 miles
and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette swam 10 miles and
growned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired,
and swam back!!!
0 Comments, 42 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
She's Sooo Pretty 6/29/2007
Q: What is the difference between "ooooooh"
and "aaaaaah" A: About three inches!
0 Comments, 33 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Short dirty joke 6/29/2007
Q: What does a vagina and mustard have in common? A: you can
dip your sausage in both!
0 Comments, 38 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Short dirty joke 6/29/2007
Q: Why are hunters such great lovers in bed? A: Because they
go deep into the bush , shoot twice and eat everything they
shoot!
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
it ain't easy being a dick! 6/29/2007
- i've got a head i can't
think with... - an eye i can't see out of... - i have to hang around with two nuts all the time... - my closest neighbor is an asshole... - worst of all my owner beats me all the time... - and my best friend is a pussy! - and now because of aids, i have to wear this rubber suit
and throw up all over myself!!!...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Short dirty joke 6/29/2007
Q: Whats the speed limit of sex? A: 68 Because at 69 you have
to turn around!!!
0 Comments, 21 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
One Potatoe 2? 6/29/2007
There was an Iraqi woman and a Canadian woman in the grocery
store. The Iraqi woman holds up two potatoes in her hand.
"these remind me of my husband, who is in the old country,
I miss him so much" The Canadian woman looks with wide
eyes.."are they that big'? she asks . The Iraqi
woman says " no, That dirty"
xmisterymanx
0 Comments, 35 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
Take Careful Aim 6/28/2007
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his
rifle. he goes to the rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show
him a scope, he takes out a scope and says to the man, "This
scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that
hill" tha man takes a look through the scope, and starts
laughing. "Whats so funny? asks the clerk. "i
see a naked man and a naked woman running around ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Be Carefull what You WISH FOR!!! 6/28/2007
There was this guy who found a bottle washed up on shore
in the Ole South. He opened it and two men appeared wearing
robes of the CLAN. Yhey granted him 3 wishes. He thought
it was a joke, but "what the hell" He wished for
a big mansion, filled with sexy women . Poof he was in a great
big mansion, filled with sexy women..wish 2 he asked for
all the money in the country, poof.. all the floors ...
2 Comments, 73 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
Never leave your nuts alone! 6/28/2007
Never leave your nuts alone!
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients
to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond
to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite
well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled,
"Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing
up. After the anthem, he yelled, ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Spaghetti 6/28/2007
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman
for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous,
she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin
his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if
she would go to Italy to secretly have the . If she stayed in Italy to raise
the , he would also provide support until the turned
18. She ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
