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Careful what you wish for! 6/29/2007
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, "A
hamburger, fries and a coke, " and turns to the ostrich, "What's
yours?" "I'll have the same, says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns
with the order. "That will be $9.40 please, " and the man reaches
into his pocket and pulls out he exact change for ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Old dilapidated boat. 6/29/2007
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out
his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could
from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most
of the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died
suddenly in His ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Mad Cow Disease 6/29/2007
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer,
seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect
information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason
for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you
know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Another blonde joke . 6/29/2007
Ken walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next
to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 o'clock news came on. The news crew was covering
a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
A blonde looked at Ken and said, "Do you think he'll
jump?"
Ken said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Seeing Eye Dogs 6/29/2007
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman
and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman
said to her friend "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go
in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do
as I do." They walked over to the bar and the one with the ...
1 Comments, 74 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Ahh, to be sure, to be sure 6/29/2007
Paddy the Irishman died in a fire, very badly burnt, and
the Dublin morgue Needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends,
Seamus and Sean, turned up. Seamus went in first and the mortician
pulled back the Sheet. Seamus said "God bless us, he's burnt
pretty bad, isn't he? Roll Him over". The mortician did as requested. Seamus looked and said
"Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Blonde joke 6/29/2007
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and 1 redhead.
the city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea
between the island and the city. the red-head swam 4 miles
and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette swam 10 miles and
growned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired,
and swam back!!!
0 Comments, 42 Views,
1 Votes
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She's Sooo Pretty 6/29/2007
Q: What is the difference between "ooooooh"
and "aaaaaah" A: About three inches!
0 Comments, 33 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Short dirty joke 6/29/2007
Q: What does a vagina and mustard have in common? A: you can
dip your sausage in both!
0 Comments, 38 Views,
1 Votes
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Short dirty joke 6/29/2007
Q: Why are hunters such great lovers in bed? A: Because they
go deep into the bush , shoot twice and eat everything they
shoot!
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
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it ain't easy being a dick! 6/29/2007
- i've got a head i can't
think with... - an eye i can't see out of... - i have to hang around with two nuts all the time... - my closest neighbor is an asshole... - worst of all my owner beats me all the time... - and my best friend is a pussy! - and now because of aids, i have to wear this rubber suit
and throw up all over myself!!!...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
1 Votes
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Short dirty joke 6/29/2007
Q: Whats the speed limit of sex? A: 68 Because at 69 you have
to turn around!!!
0 Comments, 21 Views,
1 Votes
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One Potatoe 2? 6/29/2007
There was an Iraqi woman and a Canadian woman in the grocery
store. The Iraqi woman holds up two potatoes in her hand.
"these remind me of my husband, who is in the old country,
I miss him so much" The Canadian woman looks with wide
eyes.."are they that big'? she asks . The Iraqi
woman says " no, That dirty"
xmisterymanx
0 Comments, 35 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Take Careful Aim 6/28/2007
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his
rifle. he goes to the rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show
him a scope, he takes out a scope and says to the man, "This
scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that
hill" tha man takes a look through the scope, and starts
laughing. "Whats so funny? asks the clerk. "i
see a naked man and a naked woman running around ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Be Carefull what You WISH FOR!!! 6/28/2007
There was this guy who found a bottle washed up on shore
in the Ole South. He opened it and two men appeared wearing
robes of the CLAN. Yhey granted him 3 wishes. He thought
it was a joke, but "what the hell" He wished for
a big mansion, filled with sexy women . Poof he was in a great
big mansion, filled with sexy women..wish 2 he asked for
all the money in the country, poof.. all the floors ...
2 Comments, 73 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Never leave your nuts alone! 6/28/2007
Never leave your nuts alone!
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients
to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond
to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite
well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled,
"Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing
up. After the anthem, he yelled, ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Spaghetti 6/28/2007
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman
for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous,
she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin
his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if
she would go to Italy to secretly have the . If she stayed in Italy to raise
the , he would also provide support until the turned
18. She ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Duties 6/28/2007
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they
had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a Woman from Iowa. He told her that
she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple
days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and
dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a Woman from Minnesota. He had
given his wife ...
2 Comments, 54 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Blonde joke 6/28/2007
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw
"911" on the back and thought it was a porsche!
0 Comments, 49 Views,
1 Votes
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Boy Scouts, Lawyers, And Priests 6/28/2007
Three boy scouts , a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a
plane that is about to crash. the pilot says "Well, we
only have 3 parachutes, lets give them to the 3 boy scouts.
they are young and have their whole lives in front of them"
the lawyer says "Fuck the boy scouts!" the priest
says, "Do we have time?"
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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The Lone Ranger Learns A Valuable Lesson 6/28/2007
The lone ranger and tonto were riding on the range one day.
the two came to a stop, where tonto jumped off his and
put his head on the ground to listen to see if anyone was coming.
after a few seconds he rose and said, "Buffalo come"
the lone ranger was amazed and proclaimed "Damn you
indians are smart, how the hell did you know there were buffaloes
coming?" ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Sex in old age 6/28/2007
This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her
bed laughing and singing her husband walks into the bedroom
and sees her. he watches her for awhile then says, "You
look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?" she
says "i just got my check-up and my doctor says i have
the breasts of an eighteen year-old, "She starts
laughing and jumping again he says, ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
1 Votes
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101 Uses For Vaseline 6/28/2007
A woman answers the door to a market researcher. "Good
morning madam, i'm doing some research for vaseline.
do you use it at all in your household? "Oh yes, all
the time. its very good for cuts, grazes and burns."
"Do you use it for anything else? Like what?"
"Ahem...err..well..during..ahem..sex"
Oh, of corse. yes, i smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep
my husband out!"
0 Comments, 39 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Want A Scoop Honey? 6/28/2007
A husband comes home with a half gallon of ice cream. he asked
his wife if she wants some. 'How hard is it?" she
asked About as hard as my dick" he replies. to which
the woman replied. "Ok, then pour me some!
0 Comments, 51 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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A Excellent Costume Party idea 6/28/2007
there was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear
to go to a fancy costume party.....then he had a bright idea.
when the host answered the door, he found the guy standing
there with no shirt and socks on, "What the hell are
you supposed to be? asked the host A premature ejaculation",
said the man "i just came in my pants!"
0 Comments, 31 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Dirty joke 6/28/2007
A senior guy invited his girlfriend over because his parents
were gone for the weekend, so his girlfriend arrived at
his house they went to the bedroom and he forgot his little
brother was sleeping on the bottom bed so him and his girlfriend
went on the top bed and they started talking and things got
heated up so he said scream TOMATOES if you want it harder
and scream LETTUCE if you want a ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
1 Votes
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A Blonde Buys A Dildo 6/28/2007
one day this guy comes to work at a dildo shop. his boss leaves
for the day and puts him in charge of the shop. about an hour
later a black haired lady comes in and asks "How much
for your back dildos? the ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
1 Votes
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Short joke 6/28/2007
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pant's? A: Because
his pecker is on his head!
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
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Celebrity joke 6/28/2007
Q Whats monica's favorite intrument? A She's
good at the piano, but bad sucks at the organ!
0 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
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Celebrity joke 6/27/2007
Q Why did Bill clinton stop playing the saxophone? A He was
too busy playing the hormonica!
1 Comments, 37 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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