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Blond in a casino . 5/22/2007
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand
pounds on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice
and Yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES! ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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2222 5/22/2007
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple
and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market,
if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally,
Maureen bring up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty
much the way you do, " responds the ...
1 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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A guy dies whilst making love 5/22/2007
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later
the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband
still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife
replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!"
The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral
the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear
rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It
fucking ...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
0 Votes
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Priceless Hangover 5/21/2007
>> >> > >> >Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the
night at a business >>function. >> >He forces himself to open his eyes and the
first thing he sees is a >>couple >> >of aspirins next to a glass of water on the
side table. And, next to >>them, >> >a >> >single red rose! >> > >> > >> > >> >Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front
of him, all clean and >> >pressed. >> > >> > >> > >> > ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Italian (I mean Sicilian) Logic 5/21/2007
An old Italian Mafia "Don" is dying and he calls
his grandson to his bed.
"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated
38 revolver so you always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz
about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"
"Shuddup an'a lissin. Somma day you gonna runna
DA business. You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money,
a ...
0 Comments, 64 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Heres one for ya. 5/20/2007
If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where do women
with 1 leg work?
iHop.
0 Comments, 55 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Social Structure 5/20/2007
A boy got homework to explain about social structure. At
dinner he asked his dad. “Dad, can you explain the social structure to me?” Dad says, “Sure , I will explain in a very simple term
to you” “I provide income to the family, I am the Big Business” “Mom manages the money and runs everything the house, so
she is the Government.” ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Met a woman at the bar 5/19/2007
I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and bullshitted a bit,
then she asked if I'd ever had the 'sportsman's
double', a mother and threesome?
I said no.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky
night.
I went back to her place.
She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
"Mom you ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Hahaha my dad's co-worker told me this and I have to share 5/18/2007
Q: What is the most important question to ask before having
sex with a woman?
A: When is your husband coming home?
0 Comments, 40 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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How would you like to be an egg? 5/18/2007
>If you think YOUR life is bad..... > >How would you like to be an egg? > > > >You only get laid once. > >You only get eaten once. > >It takes four minutes to get hard. > >Only two minutes to get soft. > >You share your box with 11 other guys > >But worst of all.. > >the only chick that ever sat on >your face was your mother!!! > >So cheer up, Your life ain't that bad!!!!
0 Comments, 50 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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THE CALL 5/17/2007
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other
day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic
nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked
if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that
"magic."
Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep
pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Today's funnies 5/16/2007
Marriage bliss
A husband and wife are in bed together. She feels his hand
rubbing against her shoulder. "Oh honey, that feels
good.", she says. His hand moves to her breast. "Gee,
honey, that feels wonderful.", she says. His hand
moves to her leg. "Oh, honey, don't stop."
she begs. But he stops................. "Why did
you stop?" she cries ??? "I found the remote..."
he ...
0 Comments, 163 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Beans 5/16/2007
>One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When
it became apparent >that we would marry, >I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. > >Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down
on the way home from >work. > >Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband
and told him that I >would be late because >I had to walk home. > >On my way, I passed by a small diner and the ...
0 Comments, 56 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Farmer 5/15/2007
A farmer comes home from a hard day out in the fields and walks
into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "This
is the pig I've been fucking" the wife says "You
dumbass thats not a pig its a sheep" He says "Shut
up I wasn't talking to you"
0 Comments, 113 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Nervous Wreck 5/15/2007
I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery.
It didn't help matters when the admitting nurse asked
me, Have you had a hysterectomy before.
1 Comments, 112 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Gas Price 5/15/2007
The action movie had a spectacular scene where the bad gay
blew up a convenience store. The building and the gas pumps
in front were engulfed in a huge ball of fire, Wow! my husband
gasped. I was about to say, That was a pretty impressive
explosion, when he continued, Did you see the price of regular?
A dollar eighty-nine a gallon.
0 Comments, 108 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Long lived 5/15/2007
A co-worker returned after lunch carrying a dress from
the cleaners. Pretty said one of the guys. Big date tonight?
I picked it up for a friend, she replied, adding, Do you
really think I could fit in a tiny thing like this? Jerry
smiled and said, Do you really think I've lived this
long by answering questions like that?
0 Comments, 80 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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OFF TO VEGAS 5/14/2007
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front
porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!',
said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I
just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for
free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then
ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later ...
1 Comments, 148 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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BIRD'S ANDS BEE'S 5/14/2007
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear,
Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they
go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The looks puzzled so the mother continues, ...
0 Comments, 128 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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The Broken Mower 5/14/2007
The Broken Mower
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something
more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When
I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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One more blonde Joke: 5/14/2007
The Blonde and the Shepard
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde
jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days
later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped
her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly
creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess
how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, ...
3 Comments, 173 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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A True Blonde Story 5/14/2007
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high
desert an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating,
was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just
couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform.
It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish
in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it ...
1 Comments, 109 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Blondes and horseback riding.... 5/14/2007
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she
has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the
unassisted and the immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde
begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for
the 's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the 's neck,
but she slides ...
1 Comments, 114 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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3 fears of a combat soldier 5/14/2007
3 fears of a combat soldier:
Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier
and she asked him the three things he feared most.
He said : "Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama."
1 Comments, 90 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Gotta love blonde jokes..... 5/14/2007
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please
come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle,
and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's
a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty
good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him
in the door and ...
1 Comments, 72 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Virgin after first 2 inch. 5/14/2007
A man got married. Couple of days later his wife's old
husband asked him how is the 2nd hand wife. The new husband
replied good as she was virgin after 1st 2 inch
0 Comments, 254 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Devil, Hell and Haven 5/14/2007
A Girl Asked a Prist What is Devil Hell and Haven. The Prist
replyed Between My Two Legs is Devil, Between your two legs
is hell, Lock the Devil into the hell you will get haven.
1 Comments, 117 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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" Shadow & X " 5/11/2007
Here I am. I'm not hiding!
ROFLMAO! ...
4 Comments, 123 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score
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Lesbian Frogs 5/10/2007
What did the one lesbian frog tell the other lesbian frog?
IT TRUE!!! - we do taste like chicken
0 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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Two Prostitutes 5/10/2007
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the
roof of their car which read, "TWO prostitUTES...
$150.00." A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over.
He approached the ladies and told them they'd have
to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested
and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read,
"JESUS SAVES." The two ladies asked the ...
0 Comments, 131 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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